just like the movies....

I am fully a dog person. I can't imagine my life without my dog. He makes me very happy. Even today, when I came home to find that he had eaten part of the lunch I was packing for tomorrow. We didn't even discuss it--he deserved a good sandwich. He is a good dog.

I am full of nervous energy right now. For the first time in a very, very long time (think--middle of last year) I am prepared for tomorrow's teaching day before midnight tonight. Now i am at a loss-- i have no idea what to do with myself. i want it to be super cool. I am even dressed for the occasion if I happen upon an occasion. I think perhaps i want to go to a movie.

I have decided i am ready for epic love. You always hear that people are sick of games. it is such a cliched thing to say--However, I am sick of games. I want to find someone to love with all of me--without having to wonder if they feel the same way. Do i wait two days to call? Is it too soon to invite him to meet my sister? Are we hanging out too much? Is he annoyed right now?

I want full blown companionship. Open, wild friendship. Late night conversations. roadtrips. domestic partnership. I wonder if arranged marriages are all that bad when the 2 victims are young enough. I mean, right now, i am way too set in my ways to let my parents even think about finding me a suitor-- i am picky and know what i want and what my "deal breakers" are. However--what if i was still young and stupid and was told that i would have to spend the rest of my life with mr. so and so? I would grow to love him, overlook his imperfections---maybe even learn to like those. i mean, in a shape up or stay miserable situation, people would work harder to love each other. In this random dating we put ourselves in, we look for perfection---nay, demand it--without budging an inch ourselves. we look for others that mesh with us perfectly. if we find a flaw, we move on---maybe it is not this drastic---but close to it.

I worked on and compromised and grew with a a relationship once-- and the boy moved on. and all that taught me was work causes heartache. it was the wrong lesson, i know--but since then-- i have said "shape up or ship out-- i am too good for this" it has saved me a lot of heartache, but also a lot of love. i am over it now. time to go back to the heartache route.....starting.....now!

i used to say-- love and live passionately, it is the only way to do it. it might hurt, but it will be worth it. can't have the ups without the downs. then i changed to-- do everything tepidly, it hurts less. ups and downs be damned! i need stability. now i realize yet again---stability is good and all, but absolutely no fun. i will throw myself into existence and revel in the hurt and hopefully stumble upon the bliss of it all.

epic love---here i come.