him

I am just going to have to accept the fact that he is "just not that into me"

It is true. When a boy likes you, he will make time for you no matter how busy he is. or at least he will call or respond to e-mails. I know I am being thick-headed about this.

But I cannot explain to you how much I wanted this to work. I was so "on." Not to sound too cheesy, but he made me want to be a better person. And when we were together, we just had a ton of fun. I have not felt like anyone was a kindred spirit in a long time.

I guess the hardest part is not knowing what went wrong. I have some theories, but I would just like to know why one day everything is golden, and the next he doesn't reply. I guess I will never know. I went so far today as to ask point blank. I know that e-mails such as the one i sent only send boys running away screaming. and then i went on a texting frenzy. But I have nothing to lose. isn't that what janis calls freedom? I have no dreams about this working out (well, none that I will admit to) but it would be nice to have what they call closure. Though maybe this way I can keep my dignity. Or pretend I gave any...i am not about all that self-pride. I am more about raw emotion and honesty. And that I think---no one is ready for. I guess it drove him away. screaming. or at least not responding.

I guess I should treat this like i treated my diabetes. It is just the swift kick in the pants that I needed to do what I should have been doing all along. Diabetes might be the best thing to ever happen to my health. He might have been the best thing to kill the romantic dreamer in me. if it is too good to be true, it probably isn't---right???

I went on a fabulous date today. and i have a lovely dog that I am about to walk. And it is only 6:45--so I have plenty of time to lesson plan and cook and read tonight. Things are looking up already. Things are gonna change. I can feel it.

We make our own luck with our thoughts and what we draw to ourselves. Don't you forget it.