No teacher left behind

For work, my hardest months are October and February. In October, the newness/excitement of the school year has worn off, it is starting to get cold, and the realization that I really need to buckle down hits hard. By November, you know your students, you are in your groove and things kind of coast until Thanksgiving. Then Bam! break. and BAM! again. break again.

January, you are all refreshed from winter break and have new ideas about how to change what is not working in your classroom.

In February, it has been cold for too long, spring break is still far off, and SOLs get pushed ad nauseum. Administrators, staff development sessions, faculty meetings, memos, e-mails all focus on, harp on, drone on and on about, the TEST. We are forced to forget why we love our jobs and are dragged down by this one assessment that has the ability to break us. not make us--- no if all of our kids pass, we get no recognition. But if a certain percentage of our kids fail, we get canned.

Pretty scary thought for me. I work with the remedial readers. I work with the kids who do not care or have struggled for years or just do poorly on tests. To get into my class, they have to have failed the SOL for years running. I work in middle school were the SOL tests have no bearing on passing and the kids know it. The only person if affects is me. Pretty scary thought because I begin to feel inadequate. Do not get me wrong. I know I am a great reading teacher; I am just not a good SOL teacher. They should be synonymous, but they are not. When kids are this far behind, how are they going to pass a test reading on their grade-level as opposed to their ability level? But I get harried and nervous about the SOLs just like everyone else. I start teaching to the test. I hate myself for it, but I gotta keep employed---I have no other career options. I'd rather focus an entire 9 months on building vocabulary and a love for reading. I did that before Christmas. Now it is just practice test after practice test.

This is not working. I am hating my job and myself. I am burning out DAILY. I am grouchy and no one is having fun or really even learning "for real." They learn how to take this test. and yes, they may even pass it. but at what cost? I could have been great, memorable, inspirational.

Instead, I am doing my job. Sucks.

So yes, February is the month when I always contemplate switching careers or at least leaving the public school/ state-test/ NCLB arena. This teacher is under-appreciated for the real power she has. I am a _good_ teacher. I can really connect with kids and get them to want to help themselves. I am genuinely caring and loving and it goes a long way. But I cannot get myself to care about the SOLs in a genuine way.

And them beating it to death is killing my spirit. You cannot fatten a pig by weighing it. Let me TEACH, people!