blarg!

I have taken to using the word "blarg!" a lot this week. every time i use the phrase "a lot", I remember my 8th grade English teacher who would not let us use it. The thing is, I have no recollection of what I substituted. She hated "a lot" partly because most students make it one word, partly because some students over use it, and mostly because she was a mega-witch. I often think about her when I reflect on my teaching---sure, she had more control over her classroom than I do over mine. But it was the first time I EVER hated, loathed, feared, and despised a class. I had some crazy weird teachers before her, but I have never HATED a teacher other than her. She brought me nothing but anxiety--and due to that, I learned nothing other than to not chew on my pen (while i was in her class), that adults--even well-educated respected ones--can be totally irrational and unfair, that keeping my feet on the floor was more important than getting absorbed in my work, and that threatening makes some people feel good about themselves.

ooops-- i meant to blog about "blarg." I said it one day while frustrated BLARG! and then again that same day when confused "um...blarg?" and now i am addicted to it. blarg, blarg, blarg.

i have been uber sleepy these past 2 days. i am beginning to think i have become acclimated to the meds and now my wave of happy times is over. I go back to the doctor on Wednesday. if his only option is upping the dose-- I do not know what I will do. It seems like that is a stop-gap repair. I will get used to that dose too and have to keep increasing. I am very, very sad. I really thought I was finally going to be a functional adult. Now all i want to do is nap.