growing pains

I have become nocturnal. A few days ago, i decided not to fight my sleep cycle. unfortunately, this decision was made after a day of sleeping off a wildish night. So I slept in late, and then at "bedtime" I was not tried. Instead of tossing and turning, I used my energy to....um...goof off. I was up til like 5 am reading and playing on FB and blogging and whatever. Since then, life has been inverted and now I am up at nights. I think that I am getting tired now--but I have only been awake for 12 hours. ugh! why was this a good idea?

I wanted to enjoy the morning tomorrow and sleep during the hottest part of the day. That seems like a good way to live life. Sleep from 1-3 ish and again from midnight to 6 am. The only problem is that 6 am seems like a lovely time of day the night before--but when it actually happens...it is just obscene.

my hips have been giving me considerable pain. drastic action is needed. I might do yoga. ugh! so indian of me.

my thoughts also have been giving me considerable pain. and I cannot get them out.

I saw Hamlet tonight, and there was a look and embrace between laertes and ophelia that I need in my life.

I do not need romance. I need safety and strength and protection and genuine affection. I need the type of relationship that will afford one some lapses without judging one or reconsidering the aforementioned affection. I need the type of comfort that allows one to go crazy at times without being self-conscious about it.

Granted, Ophelia ended up drowning. But at least she had that embrace!

Where does a 31-year-old find a big brother?