no sleep 'til brooklyn

ugh!

it is 1:20 a.m. I desperately want to be asleep. but I am not. I cannot seem to fall asleep at night anymore. and then I cannot stay awake during the day. Then I take a massive nap. and then I am wide awake all night....

vicious.

cycle.

continues.

Tomorrow I have a meeting from 8-10 and then a dentist appt at 1 and a doc appt at 4. I am hoping that this will keep me running around enough to not nap and get back on schedule. And then i wonder if it is not an issue of schedule, but if it is the whole sleeping sickness rearing its head again.

2 nights ago, I tossed and turned. Yesterday, I decided that I hated wasting time trying to be asleep. I gave it a good shot from midnight until 2 am. Then I read from 2-3. Then I tossed and turned until about 4:30 or so. I got up at 8 and just couldn't stay in bed. Today, I read until after midnight and my eyes felt sleepy. But i just cannot sleep. So i came down to eat breakfast. I was really hungry and thought maybe fixing that problem would help me sleep. I discovered a new breakfast that I like that is totally diabetic friendly. I have to keep my morning meal at 45 carbs and about 300 calories... now i have 3 options

1) 2 eggs over easy with 2 slices of whole wheat toast --- This is only 20 carbs....but at the right calories level. I am currently forgoing this option as my parents left me with 2 dozen eggs when they went on their trip and I just finished them. I do not want to see another egg for a while.

2) 1 cup red berries special K, 3/4ths of a cup of protien plus special K and a cup of soymilk...this great for both carbs and calories....

3) now I have discovered that 2 whole grain waffles with 1/2 a tablespoon of earth balance and 1/8th of a cup of reduced calorie syrup (which is plenty) fits in with carbs and calories also---Who knew I could have syrup??? Granted, this is not the most complex/filling meal I could have and will probably be starving by lunch time. I can throw some peanut butter into the mix without it affecting the carb count.

I think I should start being good about my diabetic diet. It is time. I hate being the "dieting freak" but I need to take care of my body. I hate having to explain that I cannot eat out b/c I have no eating out self-control. Or eating in for that matter. This is why i started diettogo.com stuff. I am not losing weight, but then again it is 1:30 in the morning and I am eating waffles. I will start being good about "supplementing" as soon as I get back from savannah. I need to get this weight off my belly so my blood sugar will be normal again and I can keep my feet for as long as I live.

SAPDATE: 3:00 a.m. and not sleepy. this sucks.