jeez oh peez

it is a rainy sunday. I am at ellwood's and writing. This is almost blissful.

I _really_ am trying to get my mother stories into some sort of shareable format. I would prefer to do stand-up, but I have no idea how to get started. It is hard to write this stuff down. Especially since so much depends on the accent. Also, i always adjust my stories for my audience---some call it lying, I call it creative embellishment. You got to work with reaction. It is what makes a good story teller.

I just typed story yeller and laughed. I would love to be a story yeller.

I wish i could write like david sedaris. I have enough zany material. Hugh has nothing on my mom.

I got a tarot reading yesterday. It was very positive. It was very strange too, b/c as soon as she looked at the cards, she asked "Have you been thinking about changing careers? making steps towards that goal?" um....creepy.... she said it was a very, very opportunistic time for me in all aspects of life: career, love, goals....And that I need to keep an open mind and keep my eyes peeled for new paths. Here's to hoping.

She stressed that any dating I am doing now is just to open me up for other opportunities. It seemed so strange. I haven't dated in so long and here I am kinda dating again and i feel good about it. like i am back in the game, even if these are only scrimmages. My brain has calmed down for the first time ever. I can be into someone and not act crazy...I can hope someone will call, but not get distressed when they are not that into me--but still get happy when they are. i like this....this is the way life should be.

I go back to work in a week. I am not sure if that is enough time to fine a new path and i am not even so sure that I am NOT going to sign my contract next year (read: i might teach next year)....but I just feel capable again. like, work can be work and i can keep my life separate. life outside of work would be so fabulous.

Ah---happiness---they name is sapna.