giving up oskar

before I begin---let me explain that I love oskar and he is the most important thing in my life. I take him with me everywhere I can; he is a great comfort to me. I miss him when I am not with him....and I really cannot imagine enjoying life as much without him.

That being said--last night, i seriously considered getting rid of him.

I would be lost without oskar, but I am beginning to doubt that I am good for him. I have not walked him in the morning in about a month. Even when I used to walk him, it was always quick b/c i always oversleep. Now we are being threatened about being late to work--so I do not even risk the walk. It has been so cold at night recently, that I look for excuses out of this walk to. I normally do it (unless it is raining. Why can't i just put on a raincoat and deal??), but I shorten the walk or talk oin the phone the whole time (I have always used the wok as phone time--which is not really fair to oskar---i would bond with him better if i focused on him) (i know i sound like a crazy dog lady, but work with me)

When I am at home, I am just not giving oskar the attention he needs and deserves. This has been driven home to me recently as he spends all of his time following me and trying to nuzzle my hands into petting him when i am typing on the computer of surfing the internet. Do i love facebook more than i love my dog? He needs more attention; i am not sure if i can give it to him....or that i want to.

What i mean is--if i truly looking out for oskar's well-being--I could wake up earlier, bundle up, and go on 2 full walks a day like i used to and still do during the summer. if i was truly interested in keeping him happy--i could take him to the dog park---i used to do this before bapamma died. The park i like was right next to her nursing home and we would go there for an hour right before we visited her. Now, i think it is too far to drive "for no reason"--isn't oskar enough of a reason? Plus, he only likes the dog park in the winter and it is just too cold for me to stand around outside. But again---this is just an excuse. I will gladly go in the summer, but he poops out in about 5 minutes.....

And he chews and chews...he steals my clothes and eats my books and scatters my food.....it is very sporadic and i know he only does it because he is bored. I do not mind the stuff being destroyed----really. I would never give oskar away b/c he is a chewer. I just want him to be happy and his chewing is an indication that he is not......

oskar is the best dog ever--really. I would never give him away. It would kill me. At this late stage in life, he is as close to a domestic partner as i will have. He is my constant companion and fills the space in me that hates myself. But are these the right reasons to keep an animal...and unhappy animal at that?

I love oskar. He is my sweetienose. But i am a deadbeat owner. He deserves better. Let us see if i can pony up.